


Echo in the Memory

by Marvinetta



Category: Terra Nova (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-26
Updated: 2012-01-26
Packaged: 2017-10-30 04:20:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/327654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvinetta/pseuds/Marvinetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Dissociative amnesia occurs when a person blocks out certain information, usually associated with a stressful or traumatic event, leaving him or her unable to remember important personal information."</i> After being shot, Alicia is in a coma for two weeks before waking up. When she finally does, she's forgotten the past twenty years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> _Footfalls echo in the memory  
>  Down the passage which we did not take  
> Towards the door we never opened_  
> -T.S Eliot, "The Four Quartets"

Taylor stood outside the hospital every day at exactly 11:30 am. He used to go into the hospital, but after the first week of “hovering” he'd been told not to enter the building unless he was injured. So now he waited outside for Doc Shannon to take her lunch break. 

“No news, Commander. I wish you'd take me at my word and believe me that as soon as I have news about the Lieutenant, I'll tell you.” Elisabeth didn't even slow her pace, knowing that Taylor would follow behind her. 

“It's been almost two weeks. She should have woken up by now.” Taylor looked around the colony, impressed by how quickly everyone had put it back to rights. Only a few reminders still remained. It was almost like nothing had happened, but the absence of certain people was a harsh reminder. 

“It's a miracle she's even alive. She's not on life support, which is also amazing.” Elisabeth slowed her pace and lowered her voice. “All we can do is wait. I don't know when or if she'll wake up. You need to prepare for the fact that even if she does, there could brain damage.”

“Can't you test for that?” grumbling and trying not to glare at the doctor, he instead glared at the fence that was still under repair. 

“So far we can't see any major damage, but we won't know for certain until she wakes up. She could have memory loss, personality changes, loss of motor functions -”

“I get it, Doc,” cutting her off, Taylor opened the door to the mess hall.

“I don't think you do, to be honest.” Elisabeth pushed the door closed and pulled him aside. “I know a bit of hope is a good thing, and I know a lot of other people are also extremely upset by her coma. To help all parties involved I'm going to start letting people into her room to talk to her for short intervals. At this point it can't hurt to see if someone's voice helps trigger something. But I want to make very clear this does not mean you can hover about at all hours.”

“Give me a list of who you want in there, and I'll make sure they get time off in their schedule.” Nodding at Elisabeth, Taylor pulled open the door again. As she entered the building, he called after her. “Just make sure I'm on that list.”

\- - - - 

It took a bit of effort, but Taylor managed to find loopholes in Elisabeth's “no lurking” rule. Leah Marcos needed a chaperone since her family was busy during the day, so he escorted her to the hospital and waited outside Alicia's room while the little girl chattered away. Today she'd brought in a book to read out loud, and so Taylor was sitting with her in case she stumbled across any difficult words. 

“What's this word?” Leah whispered, pointing to a word on the plex.

“Rhinoceros,” Taylor provided in an equally quiet voice. 

“Is that a dinosaur?” She frowned at the plex. 

“No, it was an animal that went extinct back in our time, but before I was born. They didn't eat people though, just plants.” Taylor smiled as her frown increased. 

“This book is silly.” Looking at the plex in her hands she scowled a bit deeper. “I don't know why we have to read it.”

“I had to read it when I was your age. If you think the rhino eating people is silly, wait until you get to the talking bugs.” Smiling at her angry expression, Taylor couldn't help but laugh. “Don't give up on it so fast, you might like it.”

“Everything going alright in here?” Elisabeth appeared and started checking Alicia's vitals. 

“Leah isn't a fan of 'James and the Giant Peach', apparently.” Taylor held the plex as Leah went over to the bed and put her small hand on Alicia's. 

“I'll pick a better book next time. But hopefully you'll be awake by then. Otherwise I'll see you in a few days.” Nodding up at Taylor, Leah gave a sad smile and took her plex back. “Thank you Commander. I'll give the book another try, but I still think it's silly.”

“Zoe doesn't like it either.” Elisabeth offered up once the girl was out of the room. “I thought it was the best book ever written when I was little.”

“Any change so far?” Taylor stood and looked into the bed. 

“No.” Resting a hand on his arm, she tried to offer support. “It's only been a few days with this new treatment.”

“I hate seeing her like this.” Reaching out to touch the hair splayed on her pillow, he let his guard down. He figured that at this point, there was no point in hiding things from the Doc, she probably had a good idea about his feelings towards his Lieutenant.

“We all do.” Squeezing his arm one last time, Elisabeth moved towards the door. “We'll see what happens tomorrow.”

“I'll be out in a minute.” Running his thumb across Alicia's cheek, Taylor sighed heavily. Two weeks and she was still unresponsive. Any hope he'd been clinging to was slowly but surely melting away. 

\- - - - 

The footsteps outside woke him up before the banging on the door did. He'd fallen asleep on the couch, and was to the door almost before the knocking had stopped. Recognizing the voices outside, he pulled open the door without hesitation. 

“Report.” Assuming something was wrong if people were banging on his door at midnight, he left the door open and reached for his holster. 

“She woke up.” Reynolds sounded breathless. Reilly looked like she'd been running. 

“How long?” Taylor dropped his holster back onto the table and pulled the door closed behind him as he exited. 

“A few minutes ago.” Reilly fell into step behind Taylor and kept talking despite the fact Taylor was setting a brisk pace. Reynolds nodded and headed in a different direction, probably to keep spreading the news. “Doctor Shannon isn't letting anyone in right now, but she said you'd want to know.”

“You did good.” Taylor paused just inside the door to the hospital and barely registered Reilly leaving. Elisabeth was hurrying around, but the look on her face wasn't as happy as he expected. She noticed him and came over. 

“I told them not to get too excited.” Elisabeth pushed him towards a chair. “Since I have a feeling I'm not getting rid of you, at least sit out of the way.”

“How is she?” Sitting obediently, he tilted his head towards Alicia's room. 

“Awake. Confused.” Shrugging, Elisabeth took a deep breath. “There's some memory loss. Which is why I tried to keep Mark and Reilly from running off and telling everyone.”

“How much memory loss?” A nurse came out of Alicia's room and gave Taylor a sad smile. He frowned at Elisabeth. “Is it permanent?”

“It's tough to say. Nurse Agawa is the closest thing we have to a psychologist in the colony, so she's talking to the Lieutenant right now.” Resting a hand on Taylor's shoulder, Elisabeth gave him a stern look. “No one is allowed in until we figure out what's causing the memory loss.”

“Why do you need a shrink?” Rubbing a hand across his face, he watched the nurse go back into Alicia's room with a plex pad. 

“There's no brain damage that we can find. Whatever is blocking her memory is not physical. The sonic blast could have easily caused the retrograde amnesia just from the trauma, but we're not seeing any signs of that. Nurse Agawa thinks it's more likely Dissociative Amnesia, which is completely understandable given all the traumatic events that have occurred recently.” Lowering her voice as someone went past, Elisabeth squeezed Taylor's shoulder. “We're running some more scans now that's she's awake. Once we figure out exactly what we're dealing with, we can work on it.”

“When can I see her?” Taylor nodded, hoping the doctor realized he'd actually been listening. 

“Not until we know what we're dealing with.” With a gentle smile Elisabeth turned and started to leave. “I am sorry.”

“I know.” With a sigh, Taylor tried to relax in the chair. He was glad no one asked him to leave, because he wasn't planning on moving.


	2. Chapter 2

“So can you tell me what year it is?” Elisabeth asked, eyes on the plex screen. After the initial flurry of activity of Alicia waking up, things had settled down enough for the doctors to see how far the amnesia went. Alicia's head felt like someone had set a bomb off in her frontal lobe.

“I want to say 2128, but that seems wrong. I'm not sure.” Alicia's forehead was furrowed with concentration. “No, it's not 2128. I finished my medic training. 2129?”

“It's alright, this isn't a pass or fail test. We're just trying to get a baseline so we can move forward.” Lowering her plex pad, Elisabeth offered an encouraging smile. “Can you tell me where you are?”

“A hospital. It's clearly not a military one. And it's too swanky to be a normal one, so I must be in one of the domes.” Shaking her head to try and clear the fog, Alicia glanced around the room. It felt both completely foreign, yet comforting. 

“Well, despite the amnesia, you're able to reason things out. That's a very good sign.” Elisabeth handed the plex to Alicia with another smile. “Can you sign your name for me?”

“Yeah I think so.” Taking the fancy device in her hands she admired it for a moment before scrawling her name. It didn't look right so she went to erase it. 

“No. No, erasing. If you want to try again you can, but no erasing.” With another encouraging smile, Elisabeth put her hands in her pockets. The nurse in the corner kept making notes. When the signature popped up on the larger screen, both the nurse and Elisabeth looked at it strangely for a minute. 

“Oh, shit. No wonder it looks wrong.” Laughing a bit, Alicia signed her name again. “Forgot I was married. Who does that?”

“You're married?” A strange look crossed Elisabeth's face, and the nurse was looking at her with a stunned expression. 

“Yeah. I'm missing my ring. Did anyone find it?” Trying to ignore the odd looks Alicia tugged at a strand of hair, twirling it between her fingers nervously. 

“Who is your Commanding Officer, or current supervisor? I think they need to fill me in on some details I'm missing.” Elisabeth went back to her cheerful smile, and Alicia realized something was wrong. 

“Lieutenant Boylan.” At her words, the nurse gave her another odd look and Elisabeth's smiled faded a bit. 

“Are you sure?” Giving her another encouraging smile, the doctor made a note on a plex pad. 

“Yes. I'm sure.” Nodding swiftly Alicia watched as both the nurse and Elisabeth got up to leave the room. 

“We'll go contact him and see about filling in some of our information.” Elisabeth gave her a bright smile as she closed the door. “Don't worry. Just relax and see if anything comes back.”

\- - - - 

“She thinks I'm her supervisor?” Boylan gave Elisabeth a blank look while everyone nearby strained to listen. Taylor glared at them until they moved away from the bar. “That's going back quite a few years.”

“She thinks it's 2129, but she's not certain. And she mentioned she was married. She signed her name as Alicia Carmichael the first time.” Elisabeth put the plex on the bar for both men to see. “I wasn't aware she was married.”

“Was being the right tense. Victor was a good kid. Such a shame.” Boylan looked at the plex with a nostalgic expression. “Especially if she thinks he's still alive.”

“When they got to our base, I had to differentiate between the two. Victor was a damn good analyst.” Shaking his head at the memory, Taylor filled Elisabeth in. “Washington was too much of a mouthful when you're yelling for a medic over gunfire, so she became Wash. By the time he got killed, the nickname had stuck. She kept his last name rather than going back to her maiden name.”

“How far back are we talking about, if the window is before his death?” Elisabeth looked between the two of them. 

“Pre-2135.” Boylan supplied, waiting for confirmation from Taylor. “Which means she's not going to know you other than the very married big man on base. I'm sorry, mate.”

“Well I think you need to come back to the hospital with me and talk to her. Bring up memories from that time period.” Standing to leave, Elisabeth motioned for Boylan to follow. “We need to narrow down when she thinks she is.”

“I'll be along in a minute.” Taylor rested both elbows against the bar. 

“Here, looks like you could use this. No charge.” Boylan reached under the bar and pulled out a bottle of scotch. “Don't drink it all though. It's a bitch to distill.”

The walk back to the hospital was mostly quiet. People tried to get Elisabeth to talk, but she refused to give out any information other than that Alicia was awake. If anyone thought it was odd to see Boylan heading towards the hospital with her, no one said anything. 

“Hey there, girl. You look like hell.” Boylan smiled brightly as he entered Alicia's small room. 

“You look different, sir.” As she struggled to sit up straighter in the bed, he waved her back. She gave him a wary look but relaxed back anyway.

“At ease. No use making things worse trying to stand on ceremony.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “So I hear you're having a few memory problems?”

“I think I'm having more than a few. You look so much different than you did yesterday. Which I know means something is off.” Rubbing her forehead as a headache hit her, she laughed bitterly. “Victor's dead. That's why I'm not wearing my ring.”

“I'm sorry, love. It must be painful to have to go through it a second time.” Boylan pulled a chair up to her bedside. 

“How many years am I forgetting?” Wrapping her arms around her stomach, she looked Boylan over again. 

“I'm not sure I'm supposed to say. The good Doctor wants me to talk to you about whatever time you're in, see if we can move you forward at a slow and steady pace.” Shifting in his chair, Boylan looked into the hallway. Whatever he saw made him scowl briefly before he erased the look. When his eyes fell back on her, he smiled a bit. “Been a long time since you've called me sir, I can say that much. So where are we in the time line of Alicia Washington's life?”

“Last thing I remember clearly is patching up Ensign Carver after the roadside bomb. Which is weird, because I know Victor is dead. That was a year later.” Looking at her hands, Alicia frowned. “I'm really confused.”

“Well, after everything that's happened, I think you're allowed to be.” Pausing a bit as Elisabeth entered the room, Boylan looked back into the hallway. “How long is he going to lurk out there?”

“Probably until we let him in here.” With a sigh, Elisabeth pulled up the screen and made some adjustments. “Alicia, I'm going to give you some medication that should help relax you and relieve the headaches. I'm going to give you some information, too, but it's going to be vague on purpose. That alright?” 

“Who's in the hallway?” Alicia rubbed at her elbow, idly remembering she used to have a scar there. If it had faded, clearly quite a few years had passed.

Elisabeth and Boylan exchanged concerned looks. After a minute Elisabeth sighed and looked like she was struggling for words. Finally she settled on something and turned to Alicia. 

“He's the base commander here, and your current CO.” At Boylan's raised eyebrows Elisabeth continued. “He's also one of your close friends, so he's extremely worried. Back to the topic at hand. When is the last time you remember being shot?”

“The day Victor died, October 7th, 2135. There was an ambush and I took two rounds to the back. I was laid up for a few months after they reassembled my left shoulder blade.” Nodding to herself, she looked to Boylan for confirmation. He nodded back with a smile.

“If she remembers that, she'll remember Taylor.” Shrugging, Boylan rocked the back so it was on two legs. Elisabeth frowned at him, so he turned his attention back to Alicia. “You remember punching that one nurse?”

“That guy with the needles? I warned him that if he kept talking about how big his needle was, I was either going to punch him or puke on him.” Laughing a bit, Alicia watched as Elisabeth paused with the hypo. A sudden realization made her frown in surprise. “I'm not afraid of needles of anymore.”

“Well that's good for me.” The injection complete, Elisabeth stepped aside. “I'm going to go update the Commander.”

“I think you should let him in here, he's just going to take up space otherwise.” Looking into the hallway again, he gave a cheerful wave and laughed at whatever reply he got. 

“I don't think it's a good idea.” Elisabeth clearly wanted to say more, but was holding her tongue. Nodding to Alicia, she paused at the door. “I'll be back in a few minutes. Keep talking about whatever you remember alright?”

\- - - - 

“I thought you were staying at the bar?” Elisabeth pointed to a chair away from Alicia's room and glared at Taylor until he sat in it. 

“I said I'd be along in a minute. I waited almost fifteen.” Glancing at the door to Alicia's room, he sighed. “How's it going?”

“She remembers now that her husband is deceased. And a few other scattered incidents around 2135.” Softening her tone, Elisabeth tucked her hands in her pockets. “I'm worried that seeing you will either cause the memories to flood back too quickly, or drive her further into the amnesia. I don't want to risk it just yet. Not to mention your reaction if she doesn't know you, if you don't mind me saying.”

“I understand. But I don't like it.” Standing up, Taylor nodded and turned to leave the hospital. 

“I'll let you know the minute I think she's ready.” Elisabeth nodded. 

“I think she's ready now. I don't think you're giving her enough credit.” Boylan was suddenly next to them, arms crossed over his chest. “She's bouncing around in the 30's. She'll know Taylor, and I'm not a doctor but I think seeing another familiar face will put her more at ease.”

“If anything negative happens, I will not hesitate to remind you both of this conversation.” With a sigh of defeat, Elisabeth headed towards Alicia's room. “Alicia? The Commander is here, feel up to talking to him for a minute?”

Taylor heard a quiet response and when Elisabeth motioned for him, he stepped into the room. Alicia was standing next to the bed, looking at herself in the mirror, touching her face like it was completely foreign, which was understandable considering she had woken up looking twenty years older than when she thought she went to sleep. 

“How you feeling, Wash?” Taylor put his hands in his pockets and braced himself as she turned to look at him. There was a spark of general recognition, but no warmth or affection. Even though he expected it, he felt his chest tighten. 

“I've had better days, sir.” Alicia turned her attention to Elisabeth who was herding her back to the bed. Once she was tucked back in, Alicia focused back on him. “You haven't changed much.”

“Neither have you.” With a warm smile he resisted the urge to move forward to touch her.

“You're being nice. I looked in the mirror.” Laughing nervously and ducking her head, Alicia started twirling a piece of her hair between her fingers. It was a habit she'd broken years before after his endless teasing. At the look on his face, she lowered her hand. “Obviously I'm missing more time than everyone is letting on.”

“You just focus on getting better, let us worry about what year it is.” Not able to stand the cool look in her features, Taylor grinned at her trying to mask the hurt in his voice. Turning to Elisabeth and Boylan, he nodded briefly. “I'll come by for updates, but if anything changes-”

“We'll let you know.” Elisabeth finished the sentence for him and squeezed his arm as he passed. 

\- - - - 

“He's upset with me.” Alicia waited until Boylan left almost an hour later to talk to Elisabeth in a low tone.

“Who, Boylan?” With a small laugh Elisabeth made a few more notes on her plex pad. “I think he's enjoying having you for a friend again.”

“I'm not friends with Boylan anymore? That's odd.” Tugging on her hair, she thought back on the look on his face when he'd entered the room. He'd been almost as surprised by her reactions as Taylor had. “But I meant Commander Taylor.”

“He's not upset with you. He's upset at the situation.” Elisabeth sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Alicia's hand away from her hair. “I'm guessing the hair twirling is an old habit?”

“I've done it since I was a child.” Folding her hands in her lap, Alicia gave Elisabeth a long stare. “I should know you, shouldn't I? You seemed almost relieved when I didn't recognize you.”

“You're closer to my husband, but yes, we know each other. We've bonded over a few odd things in my time here.” Tears flooded Elisabeth's eyes and she looked away. Alicia reached out on instinct to offer comfort. “If it wasn't for us, you wouldn't be in here. I am almost glad you don't remember.”

“Can you tell me how this happened?” Smiling slightly as Elisabeth covered her hand with her own, she pushed a bit more. “You obviously feel guilty, I'm the only patient you've seen all day. You've been here since midnight.”

“You nearly died saving my family,” Elisabeth finally got the words out, a few tears spilling out. “It wasn't supposed to happen that way.”

“The best laid plans of mice and men,” Muttering more to herself than Elisabeth, it still made the doctor smile a bit. 

“You were in a coma for two weeks before finally waking up last night. Because of how much is blocked, the only people here that you would recognize are Boylan and Taylor. I was hoping you'd remember more with their help.” Elisabeth shrugged and brushed the tears off her face. 

“It's not trauma. I saw the brain scans.” Thinking back on all the images on the plex screens, Alicia struggled to remember all her medical training. “I'm purposefully blocking stuff out.”

“That's our theory.” The collected doctor face back in place, Elisabeth stood up and smiled genuinely at Alicia. “I'm going home for a bit, I can't very well order you to rest if I don't do the same. If you need me at all, don't hesitate to ask one of the nurses. And tomorrow, if you're up to it, I'd like you to keep talking to Boylan.”

“He's not in the service anymore.” It was a statement, not a question and Alicia wasn't surprised when Elisabeth just smiled and turned off the light. 

“Good night, Alicia.”

“Night, Doc.”

Once her room was empty, and she was alone for the first time since waking up, Alicia set about processing everything. Although she couldn't shake the feeling she was being watched, she finally managed to fall asleep. 

\- - - - 

 

“I'll let you know when she wakes up. She had a stressful day yesterday and I'm not going to disturb her.” Elisabeth was planted firmly in front of Alicia's door, and glaring solidly at her husband. “Boylan is coming by to talk to her again, and possibly a few of the soldiers under her command. I don't want to overload her with information.”

“I think you're dragging this out because you feel guilty.” Jim didn't bother mincing words, but he kept his voice low. 

“I am a medical professional-” She started to bristle with anger but Jim cut her off.

“Who should have passed this off to another doctor who isn't so closely tied to the situation.” Framing her face with his hands, Jim sighed at Elisabeth. “If she didn't have a major epiphany seeing you, chances are she won't have one with me.”

“You were closer to her. There are more memories there. So no, it's not the same.” Elisabeth made a disgruntled noise and shook her head. “Come back after lunch. We'll see how she's doing.”

“Thank you.” Kissing her on the forehead, Jim smiled. “If I make her cry or she punches me, you can rub it in my face for as long as you want.”

“Who's punching who?” Boylan asked cheerfully, two mugs of coffee in his hands. “Is the patient awake?”

“No caffeine with the medication she's on.” Elisabeth reached for one of the mugs but Boylan pulled it away. 

“It's decaf.” With a smile he held up the mug. “You heading in, Sheriff?”

“I'm not allowed.” Jim gave his wife an annoyed look and she narrowed her eyes at him. 

“I said later.” Letting out an exasperated noise, Elisabeth turned and went into Alicia's room. “Let me make sure she's awake first.”

“How is she?” Jim asked in a low voice. 

“She's fine, other than the confusion. I think your wife is being overly cautious. I know these days the Lieutenant and I aren't the best of friends, but we used to be close. It hurt having to watch her remember all that shit again.” With a small shrug Boylan shook his head. “And it's only going to get worse.”

“Think it'll all come back?” Watching the closed door, Jim shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“I'm sure it will. I've seen this before, not with Alicia, but with others. Just takes time.” Boylan paused and gave Jim a serious look. “Check on Taylor when you can.”

“I will.” He took a minute to find the right words, and finally Jim asked in a very quiet voice. “Were they... more than just close friends?”

“Not my place to say. But I will tell you his reaction yesterday was pretty bad.” Boylan perked up as Elisabeth came out of the room and nodded at him. “Just tread carefully.”

“Understood.” Nodding back, Jim wrapped an arm around Elisabeth. “How is she this morning?”

“I think she's doing better. She asked when I'm going to release her three separate times and I was only in there a few minutes. I think it might be a long day.” Elisabeth smiled and motioned for Boylan to go in the room. “She's awake and dressed.”

“Thanks Doctor. I won't stay long.” With a smile, Boylan disappeared into Wash's room. 

“I'll be by at lunch.” Jim pressed a kiss to his wife's forehead. 

“We'll see how things are going.” 

\- - - - 

“I kept telling you that it was going to get you in trouble.” Boylan was laughing so hard there were tears in his eyes when a dark haired man entered the room shortly after lunch. Elisabeth was standing at the foot of the bed, wiping tears from her own eyes. She motioned the man over and rested her hand on his elbow. Alicia assumed it was the husband Elisabeth had mentioned earlier.

“Well if I had been given all the pertinent information I might have done things differently.” Alicia glared at Boylan but she was holding back laughter at the memory. Staring at the new guest, Alicia realized he didn't seem as bothered by her memory loss, or he was hiding it better.

“Not sure what I want to hear first, what trouble Wash was causing or how she's doing today.” With a bright smile, he leaned over the bed and offered his hand. “I'm Jim Shannon.”

“Nice to meet you, again.” Alicia shook his hand and searched his face for any thing familiar. There was a vague feeling of sadness, but the more she focused on it, the more her head hurt. Not wanting more pain medication, Alicia nodded to Boylan and went back to the previous topic. “He's reminding me of my bad habits.”

“It was only a bad habit when you hurt other people doing it.” Boylan burst into laughter again. “The rest of the time it was hilarious. Actually, it was pretty hilarious when you hurt people, too.”

“We were stationed in Alaska for a while. I hated the snow so much that I found creative ways to keep from setting the entire place on fire just to warm up.” Sighing, she tried to ignore Boylan's snort of laughter. “We had two main buildings for OPS and they had this stupid awning covered breezeway that did nothing to keep out the weather. It was a deathtrap if you didn't wear ice skates or slip on spiked treads over your boots. Well I got tired of having to put those damn treads on every time I had to change buildings. I discovered that if you hit the button to open the door at the right time and got a good running start you could slide all the way from OPS1 to OPS2 and hit the other door button dead on.”

“I could see the breezeway from my office, and at least five or six times a day you'd see her sailing by. Thankfully none of the kids under her command were dumb enough to copy her.” Boylan stifled his laughter for a minute and shook his head at the memory. “I have to say though, it never stopped being funny watching her go flying past.”

“Well things worked fine for a few months. Most people put on their treads and they knew to avoid the dead center of the path because of me.” Alicia paused and smiled at the memory. “One day though, my little shortcut nearly got me in trouble. I checked the cameras to make sure no one was in the other lobby, and got my running start and I'm about half way across the path when the door opens. Somehow, the memo about a visiting General and several of her guests did not get to my desk.”

“Oh no,” Elisabeth groaned, a smile still on her face. 

“Oh, I didn't take out the General. No, it was much worse.” Shaking her head, Alicia continued. “So here I am, half way into my trip, I have no way to stop and all I see are medals and stars. They had their treads on thankfully and stepped out of the way, but I'd started to change course a bit and managed to hit the one person who was still looking behind him talking. Ran full steam ahead into Commander Taylor.”

“Oh, you should have seen the look on her face the moment she realized a collision was imminent. I couldn't even react, I was just frozen at my window, coat half on, wondering how I'm going to explain it.” Dissolving into laughter again, Boylan slapped his leg and rested his face in his other hand.

“Wow, did you guys get injured at all?” Jim asked, grinning at the mental images and Wash's animated story telling. 

“No, thankfully. Had we fallen to the ground, maybe, instead, I knocked us both over the railing and into a snow bank that was hiding a shrub.” Alicia paused and let her own laughter run unchecked for a moment. “I hadn't seen him in over a year, at this point. And we're in this bush, and all the snow fell on top of us, I think you see maybe our legs sticking out, and he just goes 'If you wanted a hug you could have just asked.’ I was mortified.”

“By the time I came out of my stupor and ran down there, they'd managed to climb back up onto the pathway. They're both covered in snow and dead leaves. I had visions of this General having a fit, but she had a sense of humor and for the rest of the week she was there kept making figure skating references any time Wash was in the room.” Boylan finally got his laughter under control. “We finally got funding to completely wall that breezeway in, though.”

“How did Taylor react?” Elisabeth asked, a grin still firmly on her face. 

“Oh, I didn't hear the end of it for the longest time. He was in-processing that day, and kept joking that his first day on post and he'd already been attacked. If he passed me in any hallway he'd hug the wall and cringe. Then when I got my next promotion a few months later he bought me ice skates.” Shaking her head at the memory, Alicia's smile fell a little bit. She gave Boylan a careful look. “I hated Alaska but I don't think I've ever laughed so much as when we were all stationed there.”

“Yeah, we had fun, didn't we?” Boylan returned the sad smile and stood up. “Well, I need to go get ready to open. You keep inching closer to the present, but keep all these memories of when you liked me in mind.” 

“Copy that. Thanks for the coffee.” Alicia gave him a warm smile as he left the room. Elisabeth looked over her vitals as Jim took the recently vacated chair. 

“So, how long were you in Alaska?”

\- - - - 

Taylor found himself smiling as he leaned against the wall outside the door. The sound of Wash's unabashed laughter made him realize just how serious she'd become in recent years. He hadn't heard her laugh like that in a very long time. The memory of her slamming into him and knocking them into the snow was one of his fondest memories of her, back when she was still quick to laugh. Back before he'd messed things up. 

“Not polite to eavesdrop.” Boylan gave him a sad smile as he came out of the room. 

“Doc doesn't want me in there. I have to make do.” Taylor shrugged.

“You're a creeper.” Boylan shook his head and let out a low laugh. 

“Whatever works.” Smiling back, Taylor inclined his head towards the room. “How is she?”

“She's making progress.” With a weird look Boylan slapped him on the shoulder. “She's right, you know. We used to have fun. Maybe this is one of those grand moments in life where we're all supposed to learn something really important. Come out of it as better people, or closer to the people we used to be at least.”

Before Taylor could reply, Boylan turned and walked off. With a frown, Taylor readjusted against the wall and listened to Wash telling Shannon about a time when the heat kicked into over drive in OPS1 and everyone worked in their underwear for two days. Elisabeth came out of the room just before the end of the story and smiled at him. 

“If the sight of Jim and I isn't upsetting her, I think it's alright for you to go in later.” Her tone was low and she smiled as more of Wash's laughter spilled from the room. “I've never heard her laugh like this.”

“I haven't in a long time.” Pushing away from the wall, Taylor gave Elisabeth a small nod. “I'll check in later, see if things are still going smoothly.”

“If anything major happens I'll let you know.” 

\- - - -

She'd been staring at her face in the mirror, and looking over her body hoping that seeing something would trigger more memories. Alicia was frustrated with her own progress, despite knowing that being angry at herself wasn't going to help any. If anyone else were the patient, she wouldn't expect a full recovery after two days, but she expected more from herself.

From what Elisabeth told her, Alicia was in Terra Nova. That knowledge was unsettling for several reasons. Sighing at her reflection, familiar yet different, she turned and paced in front of her bed. Someone would be in to feed her solid food soon, and Alicia couldn't remember eating real food in years. The way her stomach was rumbling however, told her that her body definitely remembered solid food.

“How you feeling?” Taylor's voice stopped her pacing instantly. 

“Been better.” Not sure how to act around him, she climbed back onto the bed and wrapped her arms around her knees. Looking him over, she noticed he hadn't changed much. He was leaner, more gray, but otherwise the same. 

“What year are you up to?” His tone was deceptively calm, but she could see him running his thumb over his belt buckle, one of his few tells. 

“2141.” She raised her eyes to gauge his reaction, and watched his body tense up. 

“How far in?” There was a hint of nervousness in his tone. 

“Far enough. Elisabeth told me this morning I'm in Terra Nova.” Alicia shifted so she could look out the window. “It's odd living out the consequences of a decision you don't remember making.”

“Wash, I -” He seemed to be struggling for words, so she turned back to face him. 

“You don't have to say anything.” Trying to keep her own face calm, she watched him step closer to the bed. “I remember you getting picked to lead the mission. I remember us fighting because you didn't even talk to me about it. You just came over with a bottle of champagne and wanted to toast it becoming final. You were so fucking happy and you didn't seem to realize...” 

She trailed off, the anger rising to the surface. It felt like it had happened days ago, the wounds still fresh. Looking out the window in the happy faces of people wandering around in the sunlight, she knew they'd made the right choice to come here and build. She didn't feel like admitting it at the moment, because he probably already knew. 

“I didn't realize that I should have included you in the process. I'd always planned on you coming here with me, I thought you'd know so I didn't bother making it clear.” Taylor's voice was low and he actually sounded regretful. 

“You're one of those men that is married to the job. Always have been, always will. Everything else comes second.” Finally turning around, Alicia realized they might have already had this argument, and she was making him relive it. She was so angry she didn't care, though. “No matter what happened, we were over. Either I stayed behind and lost you, came here as a member of your team and lost you, or gave up my job to come here as a fucking dependent. You'd already checked out of the relationship by the time you came over with that champagne. You'd already made the decision to walk away from us, and I was totally blindsided.”

“Is everything alright?” Elisabeth suddenly pushed the door open with a worried look and Alicia realized she was practically yelling. Taylor hadn't moved from his spot and was looking at the floor with a stony expression. 

“It's fine. I promise.” Feeling sheepish, Alicia waited until the door closed. The polite tone fell from her voice as she focused back on Taylor. “It's not fair for me to take this out on you when I don't know if we've even talked about this before. Hell, I don't even know where we stand or what we are. I think you should leave. Otherwise I'm just going to yell again and Elisabeth is going to make me take more drugs, and then make you leave anyway.”

“We've never talked about this, just so you know.” Taylor stepped forward and cupped her face in his hand before she could pull away. The pain in his eyes made her freeze. “We'll talk about it when you're back. There's a lot of things I should have said, but you're right, now isn't really the time.”

He brushed his thumb across her cheek in an all too familiar way and then pulled away slowly. With a last look of apology, he turned and left the room. Still confused, she pulled the blanket up around herself and waited for her food. Despite her stomach continuing to rumble, she wasn't hungry anymore.

\- - - - 

Elisabeth waited until Taylor came out of Alicia's room. She lowered her head at the look on his face, feeling like she was intruding. He left the hospital just as silently as he usually entered, ignoring and being ignored by everyone. Slipping into Alicia's room, Elisabeth placed a food tray on the small table and wheeled it up to the bed. 

“Are we friends?” Alicia asked, a serious expression on her face.

“I'd like to think so. I haven't been here very long, though, not a lot of time to get close to anyone.” Elisabeth pointed to the food and sat down next to the bed. “I probably shouldn't tell you this, but right after we got here, I went OTG with the Commander to one of the science outposts. One of the scientists had been playing around with gene therapy trying to cure or prevent the onset of Alzheimer's. I lost twenty years. I didn't remember Jim, or my children. I thought I was in college, before med school even. Then I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself. The Commander thought he was back in Somalia. Jim was the only one not affected and had to help me find a way to reverse it.”

“What happened?” Alicia found herself eating as Elisabeth talked, the story feeling somewhat familiar.

“Well, turns out Jim had a cold. It cured me and we synthesized a cure for everyone else.” Elisabeth paused and shook her head. “The Commander actually made it back to the Colony before we'd come up with the cure. Broke into the Command Center, and was very surprised to see you. My older daughter and her boyfriend were there, and in the end you ended up shooting the Commander with a sonic pistol. By the time he woke up, we'd given him the cure.”

“I wonder if that miracle cure would work on me.” Offering up a lopsided smile, Alicia dropped her fork to her plate. “I keep skipping forward. Right now it's two weeks after Taylor told me he was leading the mission here. I haven't talked to him at all in two weeks, or at least, that's what it feels like. Even though I know I saw him yesterday. Right now I wish I could remember shooting him.”

“It's scary when you can't trust your own memories.” Elisabeth nodded sadly. “But you have to remember you're making progress.”

“I don't want him to come by anymore. Not until I can get a handle on this.” Shaking her head Alicia pushed the plate away. “I'm sorry, I don't have much of an appetite right now.”

“You eat some more, there's no rush. Otherwise it's back to the shakes.” Standing and offering a supportive smile, Elisabeth squeezed Alicia's arm. “Try not to stress about this too much.”

Waiting until Alicia nodded and picked the fork back up, Elisabeth left the room. Alicia poked at the food on her plate and tried not to think about anything. The look on Nathaniel's face when she'd yelled at him had been completely different from when she'd thrown him out of her apartment, champagne still corked. Pushing the tray table away, she rolled onto her side and stared at the wall, hoping that next time she woke up, she'd be closer to the present.


	3. Chapter 3

Jim watched Alicia talking to Zoe with a sad expression. He'd given Zoe so many speeches about what not to say that now every time he went to open his mouth the girl glared at him, looking so much like her mother. Maddy had talked herself out of visiting out of fear she'd either cry or blurt something out. Josh felt too guilty and agreed with Maddy's logic for once. So it was just him and Zoe, and a plex. 

“I think I like this book better now. I like the bugs.” Zoe shifted a little and smiled up at Alicia. 

“It's a very good book. They've made a couple of films out of it as well. I bet you could find one to download and watch.” Alicia brushed some of Zoe's hair off her forehead and adjusted her grip on the plex. 

“Alright kiddo, time's up. You've got homework.” Jim stood from his chair and went to help Zoe down from the bed. Before he could get a hold on her, Zoe threw her arms around Alicia's neck and squeezed. 

“I'm glad you're still here.” Just as soon as she'd latched on, Zoe let go and accepted his help down from the bed. Elisabeth was waiting at the door and extended a hand. Once they were out of the door Jim settled back in his chair. Alicia was still smiling, but it had faded a bit.

“So what year are you up today?” Stretching his legs out, he watched Alicia readjust the blanket on her bed and recline back. 

“I'm not sure. The first few years here are all jumbled up. Not really bothering to try and sort them.” She offered a weak smile then her expression turned serious. “Elisabeth and I talked yesterday.”

“Hope she's not breaking her own rule and sneaking you intel.” He meant it as a joke, her serious expression stayed. “What did she tell you?”

“About how she lost her memories.” Shaking her head a bit, she made a move to twirl her hair before dropping her hand with a huff. “What was it like? Her not knowing who you were?”

“It hurt. A lot.” Looking down at his wedding ring, he gave a small laugh. “She reasoned it out though, between things I'd said and notes she'd left herself. She took it pretty well though. Even though she couldn't remember me, the connection was still there.” 

“Hmm.” Alicia made a small noise that he couldn't decipher. She was staring at the door like she was expecting someone, but didn't look happy.

“I saw Taylor earlier.” He kept his tone light and watched her forehead crinkle. 

“How is he?” she asked cautiously. 

“Grumpy. You're a touchy subject with him this morning.” Jim leaned forward and Alicia pinned him with a stern look. “You get a sad look on your face every time you look at me. Am I making things worse?”

“No. I get that feeling when I look at anyone I'm supposed to know.” The corner of her mouth kicked up in a humorless smile. “It's just this untethered feeling. I know I'm blocking something out, but if I try to latch on to any stray, vague … things... I get a headache. So I stop trying to think, but then I get upset at myself for not pushing harder to get better.”

“As usual, you're being too hard on yourself.” Jim met her glare with a smile and waited until she finally smiled back. “Loosen up a bit.”

“I guess you do know me.” She went to twirl her hair again and let out another huff. 

“I have to ask, what is with the hair twirling?” Laughing as she tugged her hair into a ponytail, he leaned back in the chair. “I've never seen you do it before.”

“It was a childhood habit. I did it all the time.” Her smile faded a bit. “When I first got stationed with Taylor he would always joke that I was going to do it during surgery. I was going to get my hair in his stitches or his blood in my hair. Then he started joking that his stitches were my hair. I finally stopped doing it after awhile.”

“If your hair is anything like Elisabeth's or Maddy's, you probably could use it for stitches. That stuff is like carbon steel.” Finally getting a genuine laugh out of her, Jim let himself relax. 

“I almost had to one time.” Alicia laughed a bit at the memory and rolled her eyes. “Nathaniel got himself shot in a market of all things, when we were in Madagascar. Some kids were trying to rob a vendor and he caught a stray bullet. Right as we were calling for transport back in base, the air raid sirens went off and we had to take cover in this sewing shop. I had to dig a bullet out of his thigh with what the lady had on hand. Thankfully, she took it well and was a really good nurse. Didn't even charge me for the bottle of rubbing alcohol and spool of thread I used.”

“Sounds like trouble likes to follow you two around.” Jim didn't mention her using Taylor's given name, but filed it away. 

“Oh, it's all him.” Her face fell a bit. “I just follow behind, picking up the pieces and putting him back together.”

“I think it's more than that.” Standing as a nurse brought in a food tray, Jim squeezed her shoulder. “I might be wrong, but you haven't remembered everything yet.”

The smile she offered up was strained, and he didn't want to say anymore in front of the nurse, so he took his leave. He looked towards the Command Center and watched Taylor barking orders at the fence repair team. Reynolds was heading towards the hospital and Jim offered him a smile of encouragement. Heading towards the brig, Jim wondered how much longer until Wash was back to normal. 

\- - - - 

Alicia watched as a young soldier nervously shifted from foot to foot outside her door. The way he immediately relaxed as Elisabeth came up to him made her more curious. Elisabeth hugged him and said something encouraging, and they both looked in to her to see her watching. Smiling, Elisabeth nudged him into the room. 

“Good afternoon, Lieutenant.” He was standing at attention at the foot of her bed, looking like he was going to pass out. “Corporal Mark Reynolds.”

“You can sit down, I think there's an unwritten rule right now that chain of command doesn't apply in here.” Alicia watched as he sat stiffly in the chair and stared at the floor. “Just... at ease, soldier.”

“I have a lot of things I want to say, but I know with your memory problems, I can't.” He relaxed a bit and looked at his hands. “I'm not really good in hospitals. They make me nervous.”

“Well you're trying, so that says something.” Laying her fork down next to the nearly empty tray, Alicia silently applauded herself for managing to eat so much. “So how do you know Elisabeth?”

“I'm courting her daughter.” Reynolds nodded somberly.

“Hopefully the older one?” Alicia smirked as he flushed. 

“Yes, Maddy.” He finally relaxed more and let out a laugh. “I'm sorry, I'm just so used to you being my boss.”

“I'm not that much of a hard ass, am I?” She grinned and he started laughing again. 

“You can be. At first I hated it, because you didn't let up at all. The first few days of training with you and I wished I could go back through the portal.” He sat back in the chair and his shoulders lost their tension. “But after my first trip OTG, when you'd reset my dislocated shoulder and put 17 stitches in my arm in a moving rover, I understood why you did it. The pride you take in us, it's more than my own parents showed.”

“I do remember you.” Alicia's eyebrows snapped together. “You called me Mom once when the guys in your team got you shitfaced. I managed to get you back to the barracks, draped a blanket over you, and propped you up over a trashcan.”

“Oh, of course that's your first memory of me.” Reynolds groaned and covered his face with his hands.

“I think the bringing you coffee and a grilled cheese sandwich the next morning is more motherly, to be honest.” Alicia laughed and enjoyed the flood of color to Reynolds face. “It happens to the best of us, don't worry.”

“I can't imagine you getting that drunk.” He shook his head and finally looked back at her. “I was in so pain the next day, I think even my hair hurt.”

“Oh, I've been there. I was once young once, as I've been reminded this week.” Leaning back against the bed, she nodded to Reynolds. “Tell me about your first date with Maddy.”

“Sorry to interrupt.” Taylor suddenly appeared in the door and Alicia lowered her eyes to her plate. “Reynolds, there's an odd reading on the thermal cam out at the agriculture fields. I need you to take your team and sweep the perimeter. I don't have anyone else available right now. I'll make sure the Doc lets you back in later.”

“Yes, sir.” Reynolds stood, and then turned to Alicia. “It was good to see you, ma'am.”

“It was helpful, thank you. Go do what I taught you to.” Alicia gave him a warm smile, and watched as he nodded to the Commander and hurried out of the room. 

She made the mistake of meeting Nathaniel's eyes as he stood in the doorway. He was back to being distant and had anything he was thinking firmly sealed away, but was staring at her intently. She raised an eyebrow at him in question. The mask cracked for a moment and he looked like he wanted to say something, but someone called his name. Giving her an apologetic look, he disappeared from the doorway. 

Pulling her blanket more firmly around herself, she settled down to process more of the memories flooding her mind. She felt like she was the edge of remembering everything, but that could easily be explained by blind hope. Contenting herself to count the stars in the window, she let sleep drag her under, vaguely thinking she should stay awake in case anyone else came by.

\- - - - 

“I hope you don't mind me being intrusive, but I'm still confused as to why you want the Commander taken off the list of allowed visitors.” Elisabeth handed Alicia a pair of clean scrubs to change into and turned her back to check information on a plex. “You've always seemed so close, at least to me.”

“It's complicated.” Alicia debated how much information she should give out. She'd slept on all the newer memories, and realized she and Nathaniel had at least moved back to a friendly relationship. Beyond that, she didn't know what information was missing. A part of her was dancing at the opportunity to get it all off her chest, but even without all her memories, she'd been sitting on it so long it felt wrong to even think about saying it out loud. “I guess if my friends don't even know what's going on in my life, I've been pretty closed off. How much do you already know?”

“From what I've seen? That you care for each other very much.” Elisabeth tilted her head and turned back around to help Alicia go through some stretches. “There was never anything that screamed you were together, you just seemed like a pair. Sometimes it was just platonic, but there were other times I saw you acting like Jim and I do.”

“I know you and your husband are close, but you can't repeat anything I'm about to say.” Stopping abruptly, Alicia sank onto the bed. “As far as I know, I've never talked to anyone about this.”

“I promise that nothing will leave this room. Anything you say I will file away under doctor-patient privilege.” Elisabeth sat down next to her and waited patiently. 

“When Nathaniel and I first met, I was fresh out of med training and newly wed. He was still happily married to Ayani. We were a team. That was all. We were a damn good team, but it was purely business. I was a tool to be molded and perfected. Ayani was such a help back then because I got married right out of high school and then dropped into a war, I was a mess.”

Trailing off Alicia let the memories ebb and flow over her. Elisabeth didn't push, just sat next to her quietly. After a minute, when she felt she was more under control, Alicia continued. 

“When Victor died, I was inconsolable. Ayani set me up with a support group, and when my shoulder healed up enough to go back into the field, I threw myself back into it. Where as I used to try and talk Nathaniel out of stupid things, I'd just follow blindly. It went better than it should have. Our unit became the stuff of legends.” Breaking off again, Alicia shook her head. “Everything went to shit in Somalia, our luck couldn't hold out forever. You know about me getting medivaced out, and Ayani dying. Well, unlike my shoulder, I needed a lot more recovery that time. They shipped me back stateside for about a year while they put me back together. I found out about Ayani a month into my recovery. I was too beat up to go to the funeral. Lucas contacted me a few times, but mostly it was just going through the motions. I didn't hear a peep from Nathaniel, I didn't really expect to.”

Alicia felt Elisabeth stiffen at the mention of Lucas' name and filed it away to think about later. Catching a glimpse of her own haunted face in the mirror, Alicia gave herself a small smile. She hadn't even gotten to the worst of it. 

“Once I was back to mostly full health, early 2139, they shipped me up to Alaska. Boylan and I were roughly the same rank because he didn't really want to climb the ladder and I treated it like a competitive sport. I hated the cold so much, and for the first time I was single and not constantly getting shot at, so I let myself enjoy it. I had fun. Then, as I told you a few days ago, Nathaniel got stationed there.” Alicia smiled at the memory and heard Elisabeth chuckle, too. “We were all three in different departments. For the first time I was their equal, for all intents and purposes. He was still having trouble dealing with Ayani's death so I started dragging him along to my bereavement groups. I still can't pinpoint exactly how it got to that point, but one night after a few months he stayed over.”

The memories at that point were a bit happier and Alicia found herself smiling. Knowing what was going to happen, she felt the smile fall and she gripped the edge of the bed tightly. She watched her knuckles turn white before she started talking again.

“The three of us had so much fun there. I kept hearing about Terra Nova, and Nathaniel would mention it occasionally, but it never really seemed like a real thing. Then one night he came over after his shift in such a good mood, one of the best I'd ever seen him in. He had a bottle of champagne.” Alicia lowered her head and felt Elisabeth put her hand on top of Alicia's. “He found out he was going to be leading the charge. He was thrilled. It's no act, this is his baby. It's his life. But he never included me in any of the discussions, just told me to ‘pack a bag because we're heading back in time.’”

“I guess that's the fight I walked in on?” Elisabeth finally chimed in, her voice full of understanding.

“Yeah. He told me I could go as his second in command, but he didn't seem to understand that we were over no matter what. He told me I could take early retirement, go through as his dependent. I was just so livid. I knew it didn't mean much to him, but I was so emotionally involved it wasn't funny. Having it thrown in my face like that just made me snap.” Reaching up to wipe away a tear, probably more from anger than sadness, Alicia pressed on. “I didn't talk to him for months. I just completely cut off contact, which on a base that size was harder than you'd think. The look of shock on his face when I turned in my paperwork to lock in my place here was comical. He tried to act like we were friends, and I couldn't do it. He was back to being my boss, and I couldn't reconcile him as both 'Nathaniel' and my commanding officer. So I was cold and aloof, and finally he backed off. Thankfully when we got here, there wasn't time to worry about relationships and feelings. By the time we were up and running, we'd fallen back into that perfect pair. We were friends again. And it worked. It's been working like that way since.”

“I'm sorry, Alicia.” Elisabeth squeezed her hand gently. “You're still missing a few years, though. Maybe things have changed?”

“No.” Alicia shook her head firmly. “There's a chain of command. We report back, even if it's just over a comm into a swirly blue portal, to someone higher up. This is business. What we had is over. They don't mix. They can't.”

They lapsed into silence for a few minutes as Alicia enjoyed the weight of everything being off her chest. Elisabeth finally got to her feet and motioned Alicia up as well. They continued through the series of stretches to help get Alicia back to normal after being comatose for so long. 

“I'm glad you confided in me.” Elisabeth finally said after a time. “I wish I knew what to say.”

“You look like you have things to say.” Alicia felt tired again after the stretches, but not as tired as previous mornings. “But I'm guessing since I'm not up to speed on my own life, I need to wait to hear them.”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Standing next to the bed, Elisabeth gathered her thoughts. “I don't know if it will make things worse or better, but he's been a wreck both because of what landed you here, and since you've woken up. I think his feelings go deeper than you know.”

“Maybe,” Alicia shrugged. “But it doesn't mean anything.”

“I'll keep him out until you feel like changing your mind.” Nodding slowly Elisabeth looked like she wanted to argue. “Now let's get you breakfast, and you have more visitors if you're up to it.”

“Thank you. I'm sorry for unloading on you.” Settling back under her blanket, Alicia smiled. “I feel so much better though.”

“Any time. I just hope you don't regret it when you get all your memories back.” Elisabeth gave her a sad smile and headed out of the room. 

\- - - - 

Taylor wasn't sure what made him put down his plex pad and step onto the balcony, but he was glad he did. Standing on the concrete, still in her hospital greens, was Alicia Washington. She was staring at the ground where she'd been shot, looking very much like a ghost. The moonlight and faint glow from the marketplace gave her a very eerie appearance, and the fact that she wasn't moving didn't help the image. As he made it to the bottom of the stairs, other people were starting to notice her as well. A group of soldiers was clustered near the edge of concrete, talking amongst themselves.

“Go get the Doc, have her bring a sedative.” Taylor tapped Reilly on the shoulder and kept his tone low. Wash didn't seem to notice the small crowd that was gathering. Motioning for them to step back, he issued additional orders. “No one goes near her. Reynolds, stay with me. Dunham, get the civilians out of here. Give her a wide berth.”

Thankfully no one questioned him, and Wash continued to just stare at the ground. A figure was inching a wide path towards him, and Taylor nodded. Boylan missed the gesture, because he was keeping both eyes firmly on Wash. 

“This isn't going to end well,” he whispered when he finally made it to Taylor. “We had a kid in Alaska, after that blitz attack right before you got there, who had amnesia like Wash. Walked out into a damn blizzard to stare at where his buddy got shot, when we tried to bring him in, he freaked out on us. Broke Wash's arm and my nose, shot one of the nurses in the leg.”

“I heard about it, it's why I'm clearing out as many people as possible.” Taylor watched as Wash's hand started to twitch. “Any ideas?”

“Tranq her from the tower?” Boylan offered with a lopsided smile. The look Taylor shot him caused him shake his head. “Anyone who goes in there is going to get hurt, or hurt her, until whatever sedative you give her kicks in.”

“What's going on?” Elisabeth appeared and noticed Wash. Taking a step forward she shook her head. “How did she get out here? I just checked her bed fifteen minutes ago.”

“Hold on now, Doc.” Taylor pulled her back. “No one goes in until we have a solid plan.”

“She needs to be back in her bed, as soon as possible.” Elisabeth held up the hypo. “I brought the sedative, do you really think it will be necessary?”

“She went down fighting. You and your kids didn't see it, but I saw it all. When we go in there she'll either be totally docile because the memories have settled, or she's going to relive it and try to hurt as many of us as possible.” Taylor un-holstered all his weapons, handing them to Boylan. “No guns going in, last thing we need is more people getting shot. Reynolds and Reilly are with me. Doc, look for an opening but don't put yourself in danger.”

“I'm helping.” Jim was suddenly next to them, handing his gun to Boylan and taking the hypo from his wife. “I don't want you in the middle of it if this goes sideways.”

“Lieutenant?” Once everyone nodded their understanding, and the soldiers had cleared most of the people out, Taylor stepped forward. He called out her rank in the calmest manner he could. When she didn't react he stepped closer. “Wash? You there?”

When she still didn't react, he stepped a bit closer and kept calling her name softly. The other soldiers followed his lead and walked cautiously after him. Finally standing in front of her, he motioned for them to stop, and he tried one last time to get Wash to react. 

“Alicia, we need to get you inside the hospital. Don't make me turn it into an order.” His tone was firm, but he tried to keep it friendly. She nodded without looking at him, but there was something off about the way she was staring blankly at the ground.

Before Taylor could tell him not to, Reynolds reached out and touched her arm. Under any other circumstances the touch would barely have registered, being a simple graze of fingers across her elbow that most of them had learned from her. Unfortunately, it wasn't a normal circumstance, and all hell broke loose. 

Slamming her elbow into his chest, Wash turned and shoved Reynolds away from her. Seeing her exit was blocked by Reilly and Jim, she turned to find Taylor waiting. The moment her eyes met his, he realized she wasn't all there, and he was going to hurt for a few days. She aimed her fist for this throat, but he was expecting it, and he managed to use her momentum against her, pining her for a moment to his chest. He felt her nails dig painfully into his arm as she clawed at him trying to escape.

“Settle down, Wash, it's us.” His grip wasn't as firm as it should have been, for fear of hurting her, and she nearly broke his wrist getting away. Her elbow connected solidly to his solar plexus, and he nearly let go of her entirely. Jim yelled her name, which distracted her for a moment, allowing Taylor to get a firm grip on her arm. 

After taking a kick to the stomach and a nasty jab to her kidney, Reilly managed to get a good grip on Wash's other arm. Once both of Wash's arms were out of the picture, Reynolds kicked her knees out from under her and slipped an arm around her throat and helped hold her hands in place. Jim was there the second they had her mostly immobilized, hypo in hand. 

“Don't let go for a while. She could be faking, just to get a few extra shots in before she goes under.” Taylor felt her go limp in his hands after a few seconds of struggling. Nodding to Elisabeth, he tentatively lessened his grip. “Come make sure she's out.”

“Is it a bad time to joke that we can finally say we took down the Lieutenant, after years of getting our asses handed to us?” Reilly offered up a weak smile, no mirth reaching her eyes. 

“Hate to burst your bubble, but I'd just given her another round of pain medication and a mild sedative to help her sleep before she snuck out of the hospital. So I think you'll have to ask her for a rematch when she wakes up.” Elisabeth did a second scan and then nodded. “She's out cold. I'm hoping I didn't give her too much.”

“Let's get her inside.” Slipping the arm he'd been holding over his shoulder, he put his other arm under her knees. Reilly helped maneuver the unconscious into Taylor's arms without a comment. “And everyone gets looked over, no exceptions. Even though she's all drugged up, she landed some good hits.”

“No arguments here. I'll never again doubt her when she says she pulls her punches during training.” Rubbing his chest, Reynolds offered up a weak smile. At the sight of Wash's slack face his own face fell. “Is she going to be okay?”

“We won't know until the sedative wears off, but I think so.” Elisabeth guided them back to the small private room in the hospital, and then chased them all off to get looked over themselves. 

“She's remembered the worst of it.” Taylor made it more of a statement than a question. 

“Let's just hope she doesn't block it out again.” Gently urging him out the door she gave him a hopeful smile. “Go get looked over, you said so yourself - no exceptions.”

With another soft smile, she shut the door firmly in his face.


	4. Chapter 4

Alicia watched the sunrise through her small window. Despite her head being fuzzy from all the medication, she felt more like herself, including a bone deep sense of melancholy. Remembering all the people she'd lost for a second time had taken it's toll. Reliving Nathaniel breaking things off for the sake of work had hurt as much as she expected, and she hadn't talked to him yet since banning him from the room. There was potential for awkwardness, but feeling bitter she just assumed he'd bury it all and move on. The only thing she really didn't feel comfortable with after everything was freaking out in the marketplace. She only had bits and pieces of it, but it was enough to know she owed people apologies.

“Morning.” Taylor's voice was low, and Alicia wondered how long he'd been there. Looking back over the events of the past week, he was probably the reason she always felt like someone was watching her sleep.

“Morning.” She didn't bother rolling over to look at him. She figured he'd either be content to stare at her back, or he'd leave when it got uncomfortable. 

“How you feeling?” There was more than a little concern in his voice and she shrugged. 

“Like I've been run over twice.” Closing her eyes against the light she rolled onto her back. “Sorry for my behavior last night. I think I've got everything back now, though.”

“Don't think you need to apologize, it happens.” A hint of humor twinged his words, and she heard the chair creak. A few seconds later his fingers brushed along the back of her hand. “I'm sorry.”

“For what?” Finally opening her eyes, she fixed him with a confused look. “It's not like you're the one who shot me.”

“I could have let you handle the pilgrimage and stayed behind. I could have made it back faster. I should have -” He sounded almost as upset as she felt. 

“Stop.” Grabbing his hand, she gave it a solid squeeze. He nodded and gave her a weak smile. 

“You're the one in the hospital bed and I'm standing here feeling sorry for myself.” Shaking his head he pulled the chair closer and sat down, never letting go of her hand. “I had a lot of time to just think lately. Both when I was trying to retake the colony, and once we started clean up. I kept thinking up things I should have said, and was going to when I got the chance. But, just like the last 8 years, once I actually had the opportunity to say them, I turned back into a coward.”

“I don't think that's a word you should be using on yourself.” Offering a small smile of support, Alicia tried to keep a lid on the hope that was flipping around in her stomach. 

“With you I am. Things were so strained before we got here, and it was my fault. And by the time we'd got the colony up and running, I had my friend back.” He looked up and smiled at her, but there was still sadness on his face. She felt her stomach lurch, and this time it wasn't from anything emotional. The smile she gave him was half grimace, but he didn't seem to register it as he kept talking. “I was scared that if I asked for a second chance, I'd lose your friendship again. And that thought terrified me.”

“I need a bucket.” Alicia watched humor light in his eyes for a moment until he noticed the complete lack of color in her face and serious expression. 

It would figure that one of the few times Nathaniel actually opened up about his feelings, her stomach would decide that was the opportune moment to expel everything it contained. She clutched the trashcan he'd handed her between her legs and leaned over it. Just before the first wave hit, she felt him pulling her hair out of the way. 

“Everything alright in here?” Elisabeth burst into the room after a particularly loud wretch. “Oh no, I was worried about a drug interaction. Are you itchy at all? Or just nauseous? Is your vision blurry?”

Alicia made a half-hearted thumbs up and pointed to the trashcan, hoping someone would decipher it as her stomach continued it's rebellion. Taylor rubbed at her neck gently while Elisabeth dug around for a washcloth. Trading out the trashcan for something more medical looking, Elisabeth scanned her and had a nurse draw blood. No one commented on Taylor practically petting her hair. 

“I think the best thing right now is to just let everything run it's course out of your system. More sleep would be fantastic as well.” Elisabeth finished her prodding and Alicia nodded. The nurse and Elisabeth left the room before Alicia could grab their attention. 

“I need my toothbrush first.” Her voice was practically a whine, and she glared when Taylor let out a low chuckle. Once she lay back down, he draped the cold washcloth across her forehead and smoothed her hair back.

“I'll let the doc know and let you get some rest.” He looked down at her and Alicia offered up a weak smile. He started to step away from the bed and Alicia grabbed his hand. 

“We're still going to have that talk.” She stared intently at him and squeezed his fingers. He gave her a bright smile and lifted up the washcloth to kiss her forehead. Her eyes fluttered closed and she listened as he left the room. 

After a nap, Alicia woke up to Elisabeth poking at the plex screen. Pulling the washcloth off her forehead, she moved cautiously in case her stomach acted up again. Elisabeth adjusted the bed and helped her into a sitting position. In addition to a plate of food, there was a mug with a toothbrush on the small table. 

“Yay, my mouth feels like something died in it.” Ignoring the food Alicia grabbed the toothbrush. Elisabeth let out a small laugh and grabbed a glass of water for Alicia to rinse her mouth out with. Once she was done, she sat back and sighed. “Okay, I feel human again.”

“Well that's good news. All memories back in place?” Elisabeth scanned her quickly and Alicia blinked at the sudden bright light. 

“It's 2149, I got shot in the face, and spent the last three weeks taking up space in your hospital.” Alicia pushed the scanner away. 

“Technically it's 2150. You missed New Year's.” Elisabeth tucked the scanner into her pocket and let out a small sigh. “I should apologize, I couldn't keep Taylor out of here last night. He overruled me.”

“It's alright.” Laughing a bit, Alicia gave Elisabeth a small shrug. “Thank you for being here.”

“It's the least I could do.” Elisabeth looked like she was about to cry. Leaning up, Alicia pulled her into a hug. “I guess now that you're alright, the rest of us are going to break down.”

“That's generally how it works.” Alicia gave a tight squeeze then paused when her stomach rumbled. “Okay, that's just hunger. I think we're safe.”

“Good. Eat slowly, though, just in case.” Elisabeth smiled and wiped at her eyes.

“Did Jim get my message to Taylor?” Poking at the food on her plate, Alicia realized she had no idea how they'd retaken the colony. “How did you guys get back in? And where did all the Phoenix Group shitheads go?”

“I don't think you're quite ready for a full debriefing until you've eaten.” With a small smile Elisabeth pointed to the plate. “When you're done, Jim can tell you all about his adventure and we'll get someone to fill you in on everything else.”

Alicia nodded, and started eating. As she'd often told people, you couldn't go back to normal on an empty stomach. She wasn't entirely sure what would constitute 'normal' anymore, but she had a feeling full strength would be best before finding out. 

\- - - - 

“So this smug bastard, he's still rambling on about how rich they're going to be when I woke up my traveling companion.” Jim was sitting next to the bed, waving his hands around as he explained how they'd put her idea into action. The majority of his good mood was just seeing Alicia up and moving again. “He was trying to sound all bad ass, like he hadn't been complaining and whiny the entire time he was in Terra Nova. But once that Carno started running around, all bets were off. I honestly think he tripped a few people up, trying to get them eaten instead.”

“Wouldn't put it past him,” Alicia smiled. She looked entirely too interested in the dino-eating-people part. “I hope it eventually got him?”

“Let me tell the damn story! So, I had to get the bomb in place. Did you know Reilly could diffuse bombs? Because I didn't.” With a smile, Jim waved it off. “So I finally set the damn thing up, and Hoover corners me. Just like in one of those old horror movies, this Carno shows up behind him and he of course doesn't want to believe me. Now, I've got two girls, and I can say I've never heard that pitch of a scream come from a human mouth before. It was fairly impressive.”

“Oh, I've heard it. He would make it at least once a day when a bug or a plant would look at him.” Shaking her head, Alicia let out another laugh. “So, I take it the dino provided you a good chance to make an escape?”

“Sort of, I think Carnos like their meals still moving, because once Hoover stopped screaming, it took off after me.” Smiling as the Commander came into the room, Jim went to vacate the chair. When Taylor waved him back down, Jim focused his attention back to Alicia. “I thought when I was running to catch up to my family the first time I went through the portal was the most stressful moment of my life. Well, it's been surpassed. Not only was Hope Plaza exploding all around me, a dozen people had been shooting at me, but this damn Carno is still trying to catch me. When I popped out back in the jungle, I nearly pissed myself I was so happy. I didn't admit this before to my wife, but I was so ecstatic and high on the stress that I ran face first into a tree when I heard that Carno come through behind me. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.”

“So that's where that bruise on your face came from.” Taylor gave Jim a smirk. “And here I thought you got it in an epic fist fight.”

“Nothing so glamorous. Just don't tell anyone else, I'd like to hold on to my bad ass status for a while longer.” Jim watched Alicia tense up a bit as Taylor moved farther into the room. Along with everything else, he filed it away. “So, that's how we saved the colony and I became a bad ass.”

“And nearly pissed yourself before running into a tree.” Alicia nodded and looked like she was trying not to smile.

“I shouldn't have told you that part, should I?” Leaning back in his chair, Jim gave her a scolding look. “Just let me keep my image for a while, I'm sure I'll knock myself off the pedestal soon enough.”

“Fair enough.” With a smile, Alicia raised her hands in defeat. When she stopped laughing Taylor handed her a plex. “What's this?”

“All the reports you've been nagging me about, from the time the first pilgrim came through, up till they finished repairing the fence today.” Taylor shot Jim a dark look. “Do not tell your wife about this. She has an odd idea of what contraband is.”

“I'll keep your secrets if you keep mine.” Jim gave a conspiratory grin and went to stand up again, but Taylor waved him back. 

“I'm not here. I'm just a little birdy dropping off contraband.” After a pause, Taylor turned to Wash and tucked some her hair behind her ear. “I've got to go OTG, I'll be back in a few days. Stay out of trouble.”

“Elisabeth isn't letting me out until I can do the full range of exercises to prove I'm recovered, so I'll probably still be here when you get back.” Alicia flushed a little and sent a nervous look to Jim. Offering up a warm smile, Jim watched as her nervous look faded a bit. She turned her attention back to Taylor. “Don't do anything stupid, I don't want company in here.” 

“I'll behave.” Leaning in Taylor pressed his lips to Alicia's forehead. Straightening up, he turned to Jim. “Shannon, you're in charge. Don't let Wash tell you any different.”

“Copy that.” Jim gave Taylor a smug smile, which was met with a grunt of disapproval. Taylor shook his head and left the room. Swinging his attention back around, Jim focused his smile on Alicia. 

“I will stab you with my fork.” Her face was a mixture of embarrassment and happiness and Jim just grinned wider at her flustered tone. 

“Why? Nothing out of the ordinary happened all. This is me, not talking about strange occurrences.” Jim winked at her, and managed to dodge the biscuit she hurled at him. “Hey, bad asses don't throw food. That's just rude.”

\- - - -

Elisabeth managed to keep the flow of visitors to a minimum, but it was hard when she knew how important it was for people to see Alicia. She felt bad when Maddy finally went in, and cried so hard Alicia couldn't understand a word the girl was saying at first. Alicia had taken it in stride and hugged Maddy until she finally stopped crying. 

Next, it was a long discussion about bomb diffusing processes and dealing directly with the Commander with Reilly. Mark came in to continue his visit from beforehand, and to have a discussion about Alicia going easy on them in training. After lunch was a steady stream of soldiers who all mostly just wanted to check in and see for themselves she was alive. Elisabeth had to confiscate several plex pads and flash drives that she suspected had work related information on them. She had no doubt some got through, but at least she was trying.

“It's been a busy day.” Elisabeth leaned against the wall and watched as Alicia cleared her dinner plate with record speed. “How are you feeling?”

“Actually I feel pretty good. Not nearly as tired.” Alicia dropped her fork into the empty plate and leaned back on her bed. “I'm getting to the point I'm thinking about sneaking out of here.”

“Please don't, I don't think my nerves would handle it well.” Elisabeth tried to keep her tone light and Alicia offered up an apologetic smile. “Provided you can do the full round of physical therapy exercises tomorrow morning, I'm going to release you after lunch.”

“I'd rather get out of here early in the morning, avoid most of the crowd.” With a thoughtful expression, Alicia latched on to her own idea. “Yeah, that would best. I don't want to have to stop and talk to people every ten steps. I just want to go home.”

“We'll see how you feel.” Stepping forward, Elisabeth sat on the bed. “The Commander asked me to delay letting you out so he could be here for it.”

“I'm ready to go home. I'm sure it's a mess, but I promise to take it easy cleaning at first.” Wrapping the blanket around herself, Alicia shook her head. “I want to go back to normal. Things are weird in here.”

“Nothing is going to be normal for a long time.” Motioning to the things around her, Elisabeth frowned. “No more technology, no more pilgrimages. It changes so much.”

“We've got some of the brightest minds of our time here. We'll be fine.” Alicia reached out and rested her hand on Elisabeth's arm. “Just think, now you can have all the kids you want.”

“Oh no. I'm done.” Laughing, Elisabeth relaxed a little. “Three is more than enough. How about you? Going to add to the population?”

“Even if I could, I wouldn't.” Pulling a face, Alicia pulled out a toy dinosaur Zoe had left behind. “See, with other people's kids I get all the perks and none of the bad stuff. When they start acting up I can give them back. And since I never have to discipline them, I stay awesome forever.”

“Women talking about babies makes me nervous.” Taylor's voice made them both jump and Elisabeth glared at him. “Something I should know?”

“Just trying to talk Elisabeth into springing me early.” Alicia offered up a hopeful smile. “You're back early. Everything alright?”

“Malcolm said it was going to take two days to fix and we get there, and it took three hours.” Shrugging, Taylor came into the room and sank into the chair. “So you're setting your patient free?”

“Tomorrow.” Elisabeth knew it was a losing battle, and that she was probably still being overly cautious. “We haven't done much walking since you've been awake. And it's a ways back to your house.”

“Your house is on the way. You can keep an eye on her that far, and I'll make sure she gets the rest of the way.” Lifting a shoulder and looking to Alicia, Taylor nodded. 

“Your shift is over at a good time, I can avoid the crowds like I wanted to.” Alicia gave her a pleading look and Elisabeth finally caved.

“Fine. We'll walk out after my shift.” 

\- - - - 

Elisabeth followed Alicia and Taylor out into the night. Taylor had a small bag of the things Alicia had accumulated in her stay slung over his shoulder and had his hand at her back, despite her constant complaints that she didn't need help. Taylor smiled at her, but kept his hand there. Finally with a slight blush to her cheeks, Alicia gave up. 

“Any dizziness, blurry vision, time loss, insomnia, or anything else out of the ordinary you need to call the hospital. Or me directly, I don't mind.” Smiling a little, Elisabeth tried to ignore the scene as Alicia started pushing Taylor's hand away from her, only to have his hand return a few seconds later. 

“I promise that if anything weird happens I won't be stubborn.” Alicia was looking at Taylor when she said it and stopped on the path. “Stop it.”

“I'm being gentlemanly.” Taylor smirked at her and Alicia's glare deepened.

“Not until we talk.” Backing up a few steps to get away from him, Alicia started walking again. 

“Try to have a good night.” With a smirk of her own, Elisabeth stepped onto her porch. “Get some rest.”

“I'll try.” Alicia rolled her eyes and turned to swat Taylor's hand away again. “I will dislocate your fingers if you put them on me again.”

“Just making sure you make it home okay.” Taylor's smirk turned into an evil grin and Alicia gave him a suspicious look. “Say, you're looking kind of tired, Wash. Doesn't she look a bit tired, Doc?”

“I'm officially out of this conversation.” With a laugh, Elisabeth waved as Alicia cast her a pleading look. 

“I'm not tired. Whatever you're planning, you can just stop right now.” Alicia sidestepped Taylor's hand again and pointed a finger at him. She was clearly fighting a smile. “Stop.”

“I think you look tired.” Taylor kept his slow pace and Elisabeth lost the conversation as they made their way further down the path. “You've had a rough time, I'm just looking out for you, Wash.”

Watching Taylor shift the bag, Elisabeth shook her head as Alicia started walking backwards. Taylor quickened his pace and acted like he was going to grab Alicia, causing the other woman to dance out of his grasp. Their laughter filtered back down the path and Elisabeth noticed other people turning to see what the sound was.

Neither Alicia nor Taylor seemed to notice their small audience as he continued teasing her, and she continued to dance out of his reach. When Taylor finally did get a grip on Alicia, Elisabeth couldn't help the burst of laughter as Alicia repeatedly hit his shoulder as he swung her into his arms. As they passed under one of the lights, Elisabeth could just make out Alicia's pink stained cheeks and death glare.

She could only imagine what Alicia was saying. But judging from Taylor's laughter that was still floating back to her, it was probably pretty colorful. Elisabeth watched them until they turned the corner and let herself into her own house, still laughing. 

“What's so funny?” Maddy asked, looking up from her homework. 

“I'm not entirely sure.” With a shake of her head, Elisabeth kissed Maddy on the forehead and headed to find Jim.

\- - - - 

“You're making a scene.” Alicia growled into Taylor's ear as he adjusted his grip around her. 

“You're the one making all the racket. I am not going to cover for you when Sam Marcos asks what a 'donkey fucking cockwad' is at school tomorrow.” He didn't even seem winded, and raised an eyebrow at her. “I don't even know what a 'cockwad' is. Where do you come up with this stuff?”

“I have a lot of practice yelling at stubborn men who only respond to threats of violence and insults to their character. Now put me down, I can walk.” Lowering her voice she poked him hard in the shoulder with the arm not gripping his neck. 

“Nah, I've missed you nagging at me. I'm making up for lost time.” He grinned at her, and Alicia finally stopped struggling.

“You got stabbed recently, you stubborn -” Alicia cut herself off at Taylor's expectant expression. “If you hurt yourself pulling this stunt, I will not protect you from the hospital staff.”

“I'm fine. It was weeks ago.” Taylor finally put her on her feet at the door to her small house. “Besides, I have a perfectly good field medic, what do I need a hospital for?”

“Nathaniel,” Alicia sighed. She wanted to tell him she wouldn't always be there, but it was hanging unsaid between them anyway. “If I invite you in, are you going to behave?”

“Just talking.” Taylor raised his hand and smiled at her. 

“I've heard that before.” Opening the door anyway, Alicia motioned for him to follow her in. 

The house was indeed a mess. It looked like someone had started to clean up, and then stopped. It was mostly just dirt and clutter, the kitchen had clearly been emptied out and scrubbed. Pushing a pile of clothes and broken pottery off the couch to the floor, Alicia sat down and propped her feet up on the table. 

“Before I talk myself out of it again, or you get nauseous, I want to say that I never intended things to be over.” Taylor sat on the low table next to her feet and fixed her with a serious expression. “I just assumed we'd carry on as we were, because the odds of Hope Plaza even finding out would be low. And it wasn't like they'd be able to do anything about it if they did find out. I didn't realize that I should have talked to you about it more until it was too late. Once we were here I realized that you probably wouldn't have gone for that idea anyway. You were always more of a stickler for the rules than I was.”

“And yet you continuously outranked me.” Alicia offered up a smile, nudging him with her foot. 

“I also didn't realize how serious things were between us.” Taylor wrapped a hand around her calf and rubbed it idly. “We both acted like it was just this casual thing, didn't make a big deal out of it. When you stopped talking to me, I realized just how much I'd gotten used to you being around. It just got worse when I had 118 days to sit and stew on it. And then you showed up and it was all business. You didn't give any indication you even wanted to be friends again, so I just kept burying things and stamping them down. The first time you smiled at me and laughed like you used to, I nearly grabbed you and kissed you.”

“It's a good thing you didn't, you might have punctured a lung on those broken ribs you had.” Cringing at the memory of their first joint encounter with a Slasher, Alicia found herself finally laughing at the image. “You're such a bad patient.”

“I want to get back to where we were. I know that's selfish, and I know I probably don't deserve it.” Taylor squeezed her leg and gave her a serious look that made her smile fade. “I understand it's going to take work, but I want to try.”

“We'll never get back to that place.” Alicia pulled her legs off the table and leaned forward on her elbows. “There's too much stuff between us now. Too much pain. Too many years of friendship. It's complicated now.”

“I understand.” Taylor started to stand and gave a surprised look when Alicia tugged him back down. 

“Let me finish.” Running a hand around the back of his neck to make him look at her, Alicia gave him a warm smile. “I want a mixture of what we have, and what we had. But right now I'm too tired to figure it all out.”

“This the part where you kick me out?” Smiling back at her, Taylor reached up and ran his fingers along her jawline. 

“You can stay if you want, but I'm just going to shower and pass out.” Leaning forward, Alicia took the initiative and pressed her lips to his gently. He didn't push any further and just returned the kiss.

“Can I at least watch?” Breaking the kiss Taylor winked at her. 

“Depends.” Pulling away and standing up, Alicia started towards the bathroom. 

“On what?” Following behind her, Taylor gave her a suspicious look. 

“When can I come back to work?” Pulling her top over her head, Alicia gave him an innocent look over her shoulder. 

“This is going to set a bad precedent, isn't it?” With a sigh of defeat, Taylor followed her into the bathroom.


	5. Epilogue

Part of his brain was yelling at him that the longer he stayed, the more trouble he was going to get into. He should be at his desk, freshly showered after a mile run, ready to start the day. Instead, he was watching Wash sleep, and had been for at least half an hour if the sun was any indication. The part of his brain that was winning the argument however, was making very valid points as to why he should stay exactly where he was. Reality would catch up eventually, he should enjoy the moment.

“You should be at work.” Wash's sleep roughened voice surprised him a little. She turned in his arms, and tucked her head under his chin, relaxing instantly. 

“You should still be asleep.” Adjusting his arms so he could rub her back, Taylor rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. 

“The longer you stay here, the more people will talk.” Despite her words, one of her hands snaked around his waist and she shifted closer. “I forgot how warm you are.”

“I'm pretty sure there's already chatter.” Grinning into her hair, he tightened his arms around her. “And I forgot how cold your hands can be.”

They lapsed into silence again and Wash's breathing evened out into a sleep pattern. Just as he felt himself being tugged back under, the steady beep of a comm had him attempting to disentangle himself from Wash just enough to reach the small device. Which was harder than expected as she refused to let go of him, a small smirk on her face.

“Taylor.” Settling back into the mattress, Taylor smiled as Wash pretended to still be asleep.

 _“Oh, um. I think I pulled up the wrong comm.”_ Reynolds voice was strained and Taylor pulled the comm away and let out an unhappy sigh. He'd grabbed Wash's. After a moment of silence, Reynolds' voice came back. _“Sorry to have bothered you, sir. I was trying to reach Lt Washington.”_

“Hold on,” Taylor sighed, making sure to hit the mute button. “Well, at least no one is going to wonder where I am.”

“If I didn't know better, I'd say you planned it that way.” Wash accepted the comm and un-muted it. “Morning Reynolds.”

 _“Was wondering if you needed anything this morning. I know there's no food in your house, so I was going to offer to send someone by with some provisions.”_ The strained tone was almost gone from his voice, but he still sounded nervous. 

“I should be good. Thank you, though.” After clicking off the comm, Wash handed it back to Taylor with a slightly disgruntled look. “Between this and the scene you caused last night, I think any chance we had of keeping this quiet is gone.”

“The scene I made?” Tugging her back into his arms, Taylor tried not to react as she pinched him hard in the side. “You were the one yelling all sorts of obscenities. I was being a gentleman and a friend.”

“Guess we should put down some ground rules, before I let you out into the general population.” Shifting so she was leaning over him, she glared at him. Taylor didn't have the heart to tell her than any intimidation tactic she was trying to use was ruined by her loose hair. “If anyone asks, you were a perfect gentleman and slept on my couch.”

“I think Reynolds might be able to poke holes in that story.” Pushing her hair over her shoulder, he tried to tug her closer. She held fast. 

“Couch. Reynolds will know better than to contradict either of us.” She swatted his hand away finally and fixed him with another glare. “Couch.”

“I will admit that I behaved in a manner that becomes my rank and your current condition, should anyone ask. Which they won't.” Returning her glare earned him a raised eyebrow. “I will not agree to the couch.”

“If I get the impression from anyone that we engaged in an activity other than sleeping, I'm correcting them by saying I was nauseous all night.” With a last glare, she lay back down next to him. “And if they got that impression from you, I'm telling them I threw up on you.”

“Seems a bit extreme.” Taylor tightened his grip on her and grimaced as she pressed both cold hands to the small of his back. “You sure know how to put a damper on romance.”

“Keep annoying me and I'll use my morning breath on you.” Her tone was bordering on icy and Taylor couldn't resist prodding her more. 

“But I've missed your morning breath. Maybe it's just what we need to inject the romance back into this morning.” Rolling so he was on top of her, his smile grew as she burst into laughter and covered her mouth with one hand. He acted like he was going to bite the hand that she kept trying to put over his mouth, making her laugh harder.

“That is so gross, stop it.” Finally having to turn her head, she hit his shoulder as he reached up and managed to pull her hand away from her mouth.

“Kiss me, and I'll tell people I slept on the couch.” At his suddenly serious expression, her laughter faded and she wound her arms around his neck with a warm smile.

“Deal.”


End file.
